Telling the Family

Once you have made the decision to adopt, deciding who to tell and when is one of your next big steps.

We were so excited about our decision to adopt that we almost told the waitress at the Mellow Mushroom where we went to lunch the day we officially started our journey. We were never going to be able to wait to tell our friends and family about our decision.

For us, the right call was to tell them early in the process. We waited until the day before our orientation with our agency to tell our parents and siblings. Walking into that meeting with our family’s blessing meant the world to us. We were brimming with excitement and having people to be excited with us was exactly what we needed.

We also really needed their support.

The home study process is intense and they dig far into your family background. Having their help was a game changer. Knowing that we didn’t need to sneak around to get some of the information we needed from the family was good for us. Having them search their networks for others who have adopted and can give us some advice or support was so helpful. On top of that, they have helped us so much in normalizing adoption in our family. Planning baby showers, adapting pregnancy traditions, and providing special family hand me downs has helped us embrace the idea of growing our family in a whole new way. We don’t have to lack the joy and excitement of becoming parents just because we don’t share DNA with our future child.

I realize that this isn’t the right move for everyone and that there is no prescription for who to tell about your adoption and when. You know your family and your situation, so you know the best call for when to tell your family and friends. For families who are not as supportive of a decision to adopt, an announcement might not be such a joyful thing. You might have to take more time to explain your decision and inform and educate your family. That’s okay. The person you are adding to your family will reap the benefits from you preparing your family well to accept them.


One piece of advice from me, tell someone. You are going to want someone you trust on your team and you are going to need the support of a person besides your spouse. The adoption journey is full of twists, turns, ups, and downs. You might find yourself getting whiplash. Having someone who you can get lunch with and vent about how hard it is to get 911 call records or who can be excited with you as you check off each item on your to-do list will make the journey a little more bearable and achievable.